An Unsavory Guide To Saving Money

As the old saying goes, "A penny saved is a penny earned."

To put it another way, when you save shave $20 off of your grocery bill, you get to keep the entire amount. But when you earn $20 at work, you have to pay part of it to taxes.

In that vein, here are a few money-saving suggestions that aren't very savory. In fact, I wouldn't recommend them — they take the concept of "pinching pennies" to a new low. But if there is one positive take-away here, it's that opportunities to save money are everywhere. If you're creative.

-- Get free flowers for your wedding…by collecting them at a cemetery. I don't know whether this suggestion is even legal, but somehow I doubt it.

-- One woman suggested filling your pockets with free condiment packets at fast food restaurants. Worse, this woman confessed she made her kids do it, and then squeezed the contents into the jar of ketchup and mustard at home. I wonder how many of those tiny packets of salt McDonald's provides will fill up a saltshaker. The answer itself could save you the cost of jellybeans. Consider setting the saltshaker out at birthday parties, and having kids try to guess.

-- One man suggested saving the cost of a car wash by using the squeegee at a gas station.

-- Umbrellas can be easily obtained at any large public library, according to one man. Simply go in and order one. Or at least tell them you lost a black umbrella. It's almost certain that they have one. If not, simply say, "Oh, wait, maybe it was blue. Yeah, dark blue. I just think it looks black." Of course, as you saunter out into the late afternoon rain, and open your new umbrella, some old lady may be getting wet.

-- Taking toilet paper from public restrooms. This tip is ideal for women, who can easily conceal the toilet paper in their purses. A man might look a little odd walking out with a roll of toilet paper. But who knows, maybe if he's also got a magazine rolled up under one arm and gives the clerk a jaunty wave, he'll get away with it.

These unsavory ways to save money may make you look like a cheapskate, and they might make you feel like a thief, but they are ways, nonetheless, given to you in humor. If you want to learn more savory ways to save money -- in all seriousness --

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